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I love my wife (Re.)

Richard Feynman’s touching message to his beloved, which she had never read.
In June 1945, Arlene Feynman, the spouse of the eminent American physicist Richard Feynman, died of tuberculosis. She was 25 years old.
Richard Feynman has been in love with Arlene since he was 13 years old. At 19 they were engaged. By the time of the wedding, Arlene was already seriously ill. Feynman selflessly cared for his wife, who died literally in his arms. The death of a beloved scientist shook. Feynman fell into a deep depression.
In October 1946, 16 months later, Feynman wrote a letter to his wife and sealed it in an envelope, which was opened only after the death of the scientist himself, 43 years later. The yellow envelope was badly crumpled and battered, as if it had been carried in a pocket for a long time.
"Dear Arlene,
I adore you, honey.
I know how you like to hear it, but I am writing not only to please you. I write because it fills everything inside me with warmth. I did not write you terribly long - almost two years.But I know, you forgive me, you stubborn pragmatist. I thought there was no point in writing to you.
But now, my dear wife, I know that I must do what I have put off for so long and so often done in the past. I want to say I love you. I want to love you. I will always love you.
My mind is hard to understand what it means to love you after you have died, but I still want to protect you and take care of you. And I want you to love and care for me. I want to discuss my problems with you. I want to do different things together. Until now, this had never occurred to me. But we could do a lot together: sew clothes, learn Chinese, buy a film projector. And now, can I do this? No. I'm all alone without you. You were the main generator of ideas and the inspiration for all my crazy adventures.
When you were sick, you were worried that you could not give me what I needed, what I would like to give. Not worth the worry. There was no need for that. I have always told you that I love you very much just because you are. And now I understand it more than ever. You can't give me anything, and I love you so much that I can never love someone else. And I want it to be so. Because even dead, you are much better than all the living.
I know you will say that I am stupid and that you want me to be happy and not stand in my way. You might be surprised to learn that during these two years I didn’t even have a girlfriend (except you, my dear). And you can't do anything about it. I can not either. I do not understand anything. I met many girls, there were very nice ones among them, and I don’t want to be alone, but after a couple of dates, I understood that they were an empty place for me. I have only you. You are real.
My dear wife, I adore you.
I love my wife. My wife is dead.
PS: Forgive me, please, for not having sent you this letter - I do not know your new address. ”

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